He Saw Only Ants
by Angelica burrows
Summary: The Tenth Doctor's thoughts as he says goodbye for the last time...


He saw only ants…

But they were My ants. Humans, such tiny little life spans that barely mark themselves upon the universe, yet they have played a bigger part of it than any species. It's like my life has constantly entwined with these beings, and no matter how hard I try…. Staying away isn't an option. I suppose that seeing the similarities in physiology could ease it abit, but there is one thing that is certain; Time Lords and Humans are not the same.

No matter how I wish that it were so (secretly of course), I cannot stay with them forever… and no matter how much I come close, or love them.. they all move on… they all die… And I'm left alone…

But this time is different. This time they are the ones who look on as I die.. I watch them silently as they marry, I save their children from nearly fatal mistakes one last time… I find out the answer to a question that had been buried beneath the surface. I see…_her_ one last time… Rose… She was so young when we first met, and I so old.. It was she that made me feel young even before I regenerated into what I am now.. Despite the fact she was scared…she stayed with me.. held my hand.. bathed my head… shed tears.. for me.

Not this time.. this time I am truly alone. Searing pain shoots through my nerves, and I try to squelch the cry. I do, except for a barely audible sound that only she would hear. It's snowing.. she is walking down the street as I watch her for the last time.. and then this brings her attention… Stupid..weak… I never felt strong enough when I looked in her eyes. The girl's shining smile appears as she grins at me, the smile that would burn a thousand suns to see one last time.. "_Oi.. you alright there mate? Had abit too much to drink?" _ A forced smile somehow slips onto my lips, despite the fact my organs feel like they are being boiled. "_Yeah..something like that.." _ She turns to leave me, and the overwhelming fear of never seeing the woman I had loved so long took over my lucid tongue. Stuttering gently, my lips move on there own before she completely moves away. "_Excuse me, you wouldn't mind telling me what year it is?" _ Rose's eye grow wide as she looks back. This is before she ever had seen me like this.. I knew that, or else the paradox would have occurred.. but I had to know when.

Rose's lips curled back into a smirk. Obviously she thought I was insane, or possibly quite abit drunker than she had first thought. "_O' five… it's 2005 mate.." _ That year struck itself into my brain… my heart.. It was the year we met.. the year my life changed.. Slowly I repeat the word, a more genuine smile lighting up my face. "_2005 you say… Oh… I bet you'll have a great year…" _ She smiles back, though not knowing why, or that within a few weeks, I would waltz into her life, leather jacket, and North accent… Nodding slowly, Rose hugs herself to keep warm. "_You think so?" _ That familiar look I had seen, the yearning, the want for more that had made me pick her in the first place glinted. Slowly I nod, watching her with all the love I think I can exude. Rose Tyler… My Rose.."_Oh yeah… you will." _ The woman nods, giggling lightly as she looks back at her flat doorway. Giving me a farewell nod, she disappears. "_Well thanks.. you too!" _ Watching as she goes up the stairs, I finally let the pain flow into my veins…

Steps become dragging as I move back to the Tardis, the fire finally taking my feet out from under me.. Rose.. Oh Rose I need you here with me… I miss you..

Visions of the Ood pass before my eyes as I drag myself into my haven. Slowly standing up against the console, my hands move against the controls. I have to get away from this planet… this planet I've died so many times for.. Hurtling into time and space, my pain merely follows with me.. Regeneration… it's finally coming.. I can't…stop… My watery eyes are hazy, yet I can still see every detail of my Tardis.. will I still love my Tardis… will she still be… My Tardis? Will I remember my loved ones… Martha… Jack… Donna.. Sarah Jane… Rose… Rose…

My hand feels like poison is taking it over, the wispy golden strands of energy finally showing there mark. I look to the heavens, my Tardis closes in around me as the admittance of what I had felt this entire time falls from my lips. I had become the man I wanted to be.. Daring… Dashing… noble… loved. And now I will become a new man, an alone man… without a family that could recognize him, without a home… My tears feel hot… but they are running cold with each memory… "_I…I don't want to go…"_

The Master saw Humans only as ants…

But they are My ants…

But they are not ants to me anymore…

They are family…

A family I just lost.


End file.
